Taking aim at pop culture.

23.2.06

Oops! Coldplay pulls a Destiny's Child

Rumors circulated the globe last week that Coldplay might be calling it quits after Chris Martin made the following statement while accepting the Brit award for best album:

“People are fed up with us–and so are we. We won’t see any of you for a long time. I mean it.”

This statement was about as retractable as “I’m pregnant” or “We find the defendant Michael Jackson not guilty.” But alas, Coldplay’s record company EMI pulled an obvious PR stunt when they’re market shares plummeted faster than the first season ratings of “The Gabrielle Carteras Show.” EMI spokespeople immediately dispelled the media speculation, but why didn’t we hear this from Chris Martin’s mouth? Probably because he wasn’t kidding.


This statement came only a week after his wife Gwyneth Paltrow told Virgin.net that she is quitting making big budget movies for a while because of the time commitment (read: because big roles for pregnant sexpots are sparse these days).

5 Reasons Why I Think Coldplay Will Actually Take a Hiatus

1. There are only so many ways to regurgitate the same song.

2. Gwyneth needs someone other than her million servants to make her a dill pickle and peanut butter sandwich at 3:00 am.

3. Chris Martin’s ego caused his head to explode, making it hard to reach the high notes in “Yellow.”

4. They feared more gay jokes in “The 40 Year-Old Virgin 2.”

5. They finally realized (News Flash!) that they are actually a pop band, and decided to cancel their upcoming “Duets” album featuring fellow Top 40 faves like Kelly Clarkson and Ashley Parker Angel.

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