Taking aim at pop culture.


Deep Thoughts: The "Striped Shirt Guy"

Everyone knows who the “striped shirt guy” is at the club. But I must say, with so many different types out there, I think we need to analyze this beast further by acknowledging that different types of striped shirts mean completely different things. Ladies, take notes.

Horizontal Stripes: This guy has no fashion sense and doesn't realize that he looks like he is sporting 30 pounbs of bitch tits under that pajama top. His mom most likely bought it for him at Fred Meyer during his freshman year of college, which was 1993. This shirt is typically accompanied by black Doc Marten’s, a brown belt, a white crew-neck undershirt, pit stains, and tapered Levi’s 501 jeans.

Diagonal Stripes: He shops for himself, but at TJ Max, or Express if it’s his birthday. He thinks he is way cooler than he actually is, and his shirt looks way too gay or Asian for anyone who isn't one of those. He pimps mad high school hos. Techno music CD's are often offered as promotional items along with shirts like this. This shirt is typically accompanied by high-water Tommy Hilfiger cargo pants with TH logo large and in charge, a gold chain with a crucifix, glow sticks, Aqua Net mousse, chest hair and K-Swiss shoes.

Vertical Stripes: This guy knows how to dress and shops at high quality retailers like Nordstrom, Barney’s, Abercrombie & Fitch, and Urban Outfitters. He is a true pimp and can dance in public, but only when hip hop is playing. This shirt is typically accompanied by Seven jeans, a moose logo, a classy watch, a wife beater, an open tab and a hot girl.

Short Sleeve Striped Shirt: Previous rules don’t apply when you throw short sleeves into the mix. This guy just finished his shift at Alberston’s and didn’t have enough time to change. He will most likely ass out before you can say "paper or plastic?" This shirt is typically accompanied by black slacks with stains, a name tag (oops, forgot to take that off did ya?), a visor, a turquoise rubber bracelet supporting “Save the Whales,” pink bubble gum and an unacceptable amount of hair gel and spikes for someone with a bald spot.

Care to challenge this? Hmmm???


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